Wednesday, 15 October 2008

AWOL on Patch Day

I was like "Oh, by Gronn! You've got to be kidding me!" when I found out what my mom did. She was like "Daughter, as the muster for the invasion is tomorrow, I shall see for myself what goes on within the dread citadel Naxxramas." And I so totally thought she was, like, kidding. I mean, like yeah, the muster coming tomorrow (which all of my friends are calling Patch Day) is so that we kinda invade the freakin' Lich King, and she was going to go to, like, go into the penthouse of Arthas' top dog? On her lonesome? I was like "Duh, whatever mom... tell me another one" and I totally forgot that night elves just don't get the hang of humor... I mean, yeah, I've been trying to teach my mom for years and I kinda thought that she was trying to be funny this time around.

6:59 p.m.

So I was so I started to freak when mom didn't show up today. I was, like, "What the orc? Where's mom?" Everyone's trying out their new toys and stuff, and the guild was going, like, "Myrrh dear, where's your mom? Is she trying out the new talent tree—" and I'd be going, like, "I don't know, Ma'am. Last I checked, she's headed to Naxxramas" and they'd be going like "Haha! Yeah, right!"

But where's mom? Was she trapped somewhere? Did Kel'thuzad the Yuck have her way with her? I'm so totally gonna Frost Bolt what's left of him to little pieces if he as much as looks at her.

What the orc was mum thinking?! Mom?! Where are you?!

7:05 p.m.

I was still hoping my mom was, like, just caught up somewhere doing some odd jobs when our financial manager/banker came along. "Good evening, Miss Curie... but have you seen your foster mother today." "No, Mr. Vault," I replied. "Why are you looking for her?" I fought the rising panic—my mom always told Vault were she was at any one time. "No, Miss Myrrh... and it is strangely unlike your mother. I generally have a stack of leather and cooked meats from her by now, and it has not arrived, and I have not been told by her that she would be away for some time. Um, Myrrh, are you alright?"

No, shorty. I'm not alright. My mum just entered the freakin' dreaded Citadel alone and I'm sure that they're already tearing her limb from limb and feasting on her night elf carcass... at least, that's what I wanted to say. Instead I said in my most dignified mage spellcaster's voice, "My mommy's in trouble."

Okay, so it wasn't so dignified, 'kay? But when somebody's your family for, like, the last five years and she's done nothing but be kind to you and, kinda like, almost died taking you home to your own kind from far away (she brought me to the dwarves, 'coz I think we all kinda look alike to her; but it's the thought that counts), then you won't, like, be freakin' okay if some undead Lich was feasting on your mom, okay?!

Mr. Vault suggested I should try to, like, get in contact with one of the Realm Masters and hope they answer my prayer soon. He kinda also told me not to worry, as he was sure lots of other adventurers were, like, foolish enough (thanks a lot, gnomey-womey) to go into Naxxramas on the eve of the muster.

I'm looking into it now.

7:24 p.m.

Okay, so I kind of went up and down the canals while I sent up my petition ticket to a Realm Master. I've never, like, had to personally deal with any of them but my mom has on my behalf during the fire festival. Mr. Vault sort of got in trouble with them once, but he, like, swears it wasn't his fault and he only got in trouble because he got into a shouting match with some gold farmer. Whatever! I still put him as one of the people to contact when the Realm Masters deigned to reply.

Ugh, walking up and down the canals is sooooooo, like, boring! So I kind of went to the hair dresser and had my hair slightly done up a bit. Honestly! when my mom comes back I'm so gonna, like, force her to get a 'do—all that nelfy long hair barneys are soooooo last dynasty.

Oh, mom... where are you?!

8:05 p.m.

I was out for, like, 30 minutes (getting my hair touched up) so I wasn't available when the honorable Realm Master Lygyryne appeared. He/she (none of us actually saw him/her so we can't be sure if he/she is, like, a him or her) talked to Mr. Vault instead; but that's fine as pine. They might respond better to suits over a giggly girl enchantress like me.

Anyway, they found my mom. Apparently, with the advance of the Beta Expeditionary force and the Ptr-whatsis going down and the official muster coming round, Naxxramas beat, like, a hasty retreat from the Eastern Plaguelands to Northrend. As way cool as that was, foolish adventurers who were within the Dread Citadel were kind of trapped in some limbo—something to do with the way Naxx was transported to Northrend that was, like, NOT good for living flesh.

Anyway, with the Blizzard Devas and the rest of the pantheon so, like, totally, running the world, they had the capability to get my mom out of trouble (hooray!). So Master Lygyryne said something like "Gimme a sec" to gnomey-womey (I'm quite sure he/she said something more grand, like "Forsooth, dear gnome... I shall seek thy mistress and rescue her from dire peril",but I'm only going on what Mr. Vault said he/she) and my mom was freed.

8:15 p.m.

I am sooo totally scolding my mom right now. She says that she couldn't remember much except that as she came in she met some nelf bro claiming to be highborne, and some evil-looking cat who introduced himself as Mr. Bigglesworth. Correctly assuming he was a spy for Kel'thuzie, she incorrectly assumed that the best course of action was to shoot to kill. As if! Sometimes, nelfs could be so dumb!